LOGFILE

Well, what is the meaning by pursuing happiness? Do we need to seek for happiness? Do we need to find the meaning of happiness? Do we need to look where the happiness is? Do we need to search the form of happiness? Too much effort to waste only for seeing happiness. Then, if it. It not happy anymore. Happiness have to be something that we do not need to seek do not need to find do not need to look do not need to search It is something that we couldn't intentionally find, but it's there.

    At my age now I still don't have enough knowledge about life, but I feel so granted that since I was a kid, God always surrounded me with good people WHEREVER I AM. That is one of my biggest gratitude of life. 'Rezeki' is not only about money, 'Friends' & 'good people' is one of form of 'rezeki', I think mostly the portion of my 'Rezeki' is come in this form. Alhamdulillah that whenever world upset me, there always good people to help me. These good people that just come and pass or they who stayed in my life make my life so much meaningful.     I can't feel more amazed that somehow I can stand to be me today, this is mostly because of their helps. I don't know why Allah is very kind to me until I can't stop to feeling blessed everyday. To every good people I met in my life, thank you so much, I couldn't ask more. I can't mention your name one by one because it will be never ending list. Thank you, for making me wh...

Suddenly my brain recall some memories from the past, bad and of course happy memories, because happiness will never happened without sadness. I feel 'WOW' to myself that somehow I still can stand up by my own foot and didn't lose my sanity.  I have been trough a lot of things, specially in this past three years, it is damn hard. There is a time that I couldn't handle myself anymore, I lose myself, I feel happy and sad in the same time, I even laugh and cry in the same time. The connection between my brain and my heart is not well synchronize. But then, thanks to my self awareness that sense something was not right. Thanks to my bravery to ask for professional help. I never faking my happiness when I am with my friends, but at the same time my heart feel sadness. my brain and half of my heart accepting the warm of happiness, yet my other half heart said I can't enjoy happiness now. The crazy thing is, somehow I think I know the reason why I am being like this but I ...